Couples Counseling- Common Concerns
Shouldn’t We Be Able To Fix This?
A lot of people, especially men, believe that going to couples counseling is a sign that they have failed or that their relationship is weak. This could not be further from the truth. In fact, it takes courage to admit when you need help.
There is no shame in seeking helping with a problem that you have been unable to resolve yourself. You’re seeking the guidance and support of an expert. I can complete many of the repairs around my home including unclogging a toilet or a slow drain. There are some things that I will gladly hire a plumber to handle, however. It doesn’t mean that I am a failure or that I am inadequate. It simply means that I needed help from someone with more experience and knowledge.
But We’ve Tried Marriage Therapy Before…
For many couples, this is true. The fact is that marriage therapy, couples counseling, relationship coaching, whatever you want to call it… sometimes isn’t effective. And there are many reasons why this could be true:
1. You may not have found a qualified professional. About 80% of therapists say that they work with couples, but very few have specialized training. Working with couples is more complex (and more rewarding) than working with individuals.
2. You may not have been ready. Couples counseling is hard work. When you work toward bonding with your partner, you may encounter very painful and very difficult emotions. Relationship counseling is not for the faint of heart.
3. It could have simply been a mismatch with the therapist. Even if you managed to find a qualified couples counselor to help you, they may not have been a good fit for you and your partner. It doesn’t mean that they weren’t good, but every therapist has a slightly different style and way of doing things. Sometimes it’s just not a good match.
Isn’t Couples Counseling Expensive?
It depends on your point of view and what you consider to be expensive. Couples counseling is an active investment in your relationship. Currently, I see couples for 90-minute sessions which are $225. Typically, a couple sees me for about 8-12 weeks. If we say 12 weeks for argument’s sake, that amounts to about $2750. That does sounds like a lot of money. But as we all know, it’s not a matter of how much you spend; it matters what you get in return.
Right now, you’re relationship probably isn’t going very well. You’re constantly fighting about the same things… or you’ve stopped fighting all together. Perhaps you’re considering a separation or even divorce. The fact is, you’re not happy (and neither is your partner).
When we are in intimate relationships and struggling, it affects our whole being. It affects our mood, our work, even our relationships outside our marriage. Distressed couples tend to struggle with both physical and mental health concerns more frequently than happy couples.
How much is your health and happiness worth to you?
Now, I hate divorce. Absolutely hate it. I am pro-marriage and not afraid to let you know it. But I like to mention the following:
The average divorce in Texas costs about $15,000 and will take about a year (not to mention ongoing alimony and child support costs). Spending 3 months and about $3000 in therapy and building a happy, healthy relationship in which you feel secure and satisfied with your partner doesn’t sound so bad now does it?
We’ve Made it This Far. Why Get Help Now?
On average, couples suffer in an unhappy relationship for 6 years before they walk into an office like mine. 6 years!
Just because it’s been this way for so long, doesn’t mean that it can’t be a lot better. Sometimes couples will resign themselves to things like, “I guess this is just the way marriage is supposed to be…”
They go on about their everyday lives in misery, holding in the resentment and contempt. They wonder if everyone’s marriage is really like this or if they are just missing out.
If this is your first marriage, you really have nothing to compare it to. Perhaps you reflect back on your own parents relationship and realize that they struggled too. So maybe this is just how it is…
You can have a healthy, satisfying, loving relationship with your partner. It is possible, and I can show you how.
If you are one of those couples who have suffered for 6 years, it’s time to end the pain. It’s time to move toward one another instead of away. It’s time for you to greet each other warmly and enthusiastically at the end of each day. It’s time for you to have the relationship that you once only dreamed of. If you’ve waited 6 years, please don’t wait any longer.